Rebirth for October.

The Zen Tarot card that I chose today was Rebirth. The camel at the bottom is sleepy, dull, self-satisfied. He lives in delusion, thinking he's a mountain peak, but really he is so concerned with others' opinions that he hardly has any energy of his own. Emerging from the camel is the lion. When we realize we've been missing life, we start saying no to the demands of others. We move out of the crowd, alone and proud, roaring our truth. But this is not the end. Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being. Whatever space you're in right now--sleepy and depressed, or roaring and rebellious--be aware that it will evolve into something new if you allow it. It is a time of growth and change.

I've survived my first full month in my new town, but it doesn't feel like such a huge accomplishment. I came here looking for so many things, and didn't find any of those things, and I'm okay with that. Isn't that funny? I found things I never knew I wanted, and am doing just fine without the things I thought I would need. I've made friends up here--great friends. I cook on my own, I clean on my own, I am my own self. I've drawn away from the crowd, I guess you could say I left proud, and into the Unknown. Before I left, someone told me, "Doors are going to open, doors you never knew existed". I now understand those doors, and I'm open to the ones that have yet to appear. I guess this is what the Zen is talking about--neither acquiescent nor rebellious, but innocent and spontaneous and true to my own being. I now understand how important last year was--getting an entire year to live at home and figure out who I was, so that I know and can be my own self and explore my own self up here, away from everything and everyone that knows who I am. I miss home, that's for sure. But I love this alternate universe called Chico that I live in too.

So here's to October being filled with Rebirth and exploration of myself. I ask that I go into with no expectations, so that I can truly be amazed with not only the people I'm surrounded by, but also myself. It is, after all, a time of growth and change.