06 November 2009

Healing for November.

The Zen Tarot card that I chose today for November (although a few days late) was Healing.
It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed. The figure in the card is naked, vulnerable, open to the loving touch of existence. The aura around his body is full of light, and the quality of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering. When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water we are no longer hiding from ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.

For November, I am faced with this Healing card. Here is my take on Healing: When I was home last weekend I reconnected with a part of my past that for a long time was shut out. We reconnected, over lunch, over a long conversation ("Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me"*), and came to no immediate conclusion--just a simple one. It's so nice to have this certain person back in my life, so nice for me to be back in his. And yet, after all this, we are literally stuck. We find ourselves worlds away, in different time zones. And yet there's something that makes me look far beyond all the specifics, all the mountains and valleys and vines (covered in thorns) that stand in our way, to a place far beyond this distance. I wish I could have stayed longer, hovering over our lunch, wrapped up in each other's embrace. And I told him this, "I wish, I wish we had more time." And he said something that stuck with me. He said, "Even the short time we had was well worth it." And it was.

So I think of this Healing card, and maybe I'm looking too deep into this. But it's the Osho Zen Tarot cards, and we're allowed to mold them to our specific needs. It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed. I cannot spend another year pretending he doesn't exist, pretending I don't hold these feelings for him. He most certainly is a part of my past, and the road that's gotten us here has been far from perfect. I wouldn't necessarily call our past a wound, rather a cut that never healed. That we still carry this torch for each other, maybe we are wounded together. Here's to hoping we heal together too.

*Reference, as ever, to T.S. Eliot's The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.

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