01 January 2010

New Year, New Resolve

FYI: I am NOT to be confused with one of those people who believes that at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve the entire weight of the past year magically disappears and you transform into a brand new individual. I won't lie to you by saying that I have never bought into that, either. But for many years now I have come to realize that New Year's and the promise it holds is just as overrated as salad.

Over the past few December 31st's, beginning with the 12.31.2006 New Year, instead of making resolutions, I have made resolves. In that particular New Year I made a resolve to be strong. This particular resolve backfired on me because by becoming strong I turned to stone. I became a heartless emotionless person and lost many parts of myself I am still trying to retrieve. On the 12.31.07 New Year I made a resolve to open my heart to everything. This turned me into an overly emotional person who everything in the entire world brought down. I lost even more of myself. Then last year, 12.31.08, I made a resolve to not give a shit. Those were my exact words: "In the year 2009, I will not give a shit". 2009 opened some amazing doors that I never imagined would be available for me. It was difficult, I struggled, but I found myself last night at the stroke of midnight not wishing this past year away (for the first time in, EVER), but rather kissing it goodbye and embracing not only another year, but another decade.

So what is my resolve for 2010, you may be wondering? I decided not to make a resolve this year, but instead physically take a public step in the clarifying direction. So, this morning at approximately 10:30 am, I deleted my Facebook. This may not sound like an amazing feat for you, but for me this is a remarkable triumph.

William Wordsworth once wrote a poem titled The World is Too Much With Us. In it he details how modern city life, although written in 1807, keeps us from experiencing nature, which should be our ultimate guide. These words, "the world is too much with us" really struck me personally. I once (up until yesterday) spent a disgusting amount of time on FB, posting pictures no one cares to see, updating my status with nonsense like "I just ate the most delicious turkey sandwich known to mankind 3 minutes ago", and Facebook Stalking old friends (which has been taking up most of my time).

I guess we can call it a resolve. I have resolved to de-Facebook my life. I will not put a time limit on this. I would like to say forever, and if that works so be it. I just want to see what life is like without depending on Facebook to do the dirty work of reconnection for me. I want to connect to people via good old telephone conversations rather than spending 5 seconds to post something like "Bitch, I miss you" on their wall (Because really, a text message of that is so much more personal). I want to take pictures and print them up and put them on my actual wall in my room to look at and remind me of who I have in my life and what I've done rather than posting them on some virtual wall that the entire world (literally) can access. Most importantly, I want to see if I can communicate with people these days without the comfort of a middle-man like Facebook to do it for me.

So I will keep you updated on this quest. For the few of you who have been reading since October, I have given up serious luxuries before (see also: coffee), and that worked for about 3 days. But Facebook is different, it's not a stimulant. It's a tool that got way out of control in my life. Maybe I'll be able to finish writing a few stories, or a few (of the many) half-read books sitting on my make-shift bookshelf.

Happy 2010, y'all. Let me know what your resolves, if any, are. :]


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