13 June 2010

Finding my way home.

I've been shifting through parallel universes for the past couple months, hovering and daydreaming through the notions of my life, trying to find a place to settle, and not finding it till just now.  Where the hell have I been, you may ask?  Well, it's been since April since my last post, and you're long overdue for an update.

The end of April through May proved to be way too much for my brain to handle.  Finals were a shit show, just like they always are.  A blood bath would actually be the proper terminology.  May in Chico is supposed to be 80+ degrees, but God decided to send rain/hail storms our way, which made it nearly impossible to make it to my finals.  It felt like winter, when I should have been anticipating summer.  My emotions were totally turned around.  It was like someone was hanging onto the sun, like South America or some other place that gets sun 24/7 and they were keeping it greedily for themselves.  Amidst the rain, thunder, hail, and dirty sweats I showed up to class everyday in, somehow I managed to pass all my classes and keep my GPA above a 3.2.

I didn't have a moment to relax after finals, though.  They ended May 20, and May 22nd I left for Vegas to celebrate my birthday with one of my best friends.  I think the stress of everything I had been going through finally caught up to me once I was out of Chico (aka HELL at this point in my life).  The second I made it to Vegas, my throat swelled up, my sinuses clogged, I lost my voice.  I woke up on my birthday, May 23rd, freezing cold but boiling hot, achy all over.  I had a fever of 101 (okay, I didn't have a thermometer, but it felt that hot).  Basically, my life turned out the way it always seems to: the WRONG way.  Water sizzled my throat, let alone any form of alcohol.  In a desperate attempt to figure out what was wrong, I had my friend shine a flashlight into the back of my throat.  "Craters, bloody craters, and white patches."  That's how she described it.  That was when we decided it was time to find a clinic and get me some help.  They gave me 3 prescription drugs. Too bad this happened on the last day of our trip.

Of course, before we shone this flashlight in my throat, on my actual birthday, I drugged myself up with a triple dose of Dayquil, 5 cups of coffee, and 2 sets of fake eyelashes so that I was able to see CHER.  Nothing could have possibly gotten in the way of Cher and I.  And what a life changing experience her show was.  The woman changed her outfit after EVERY single performance.  She sang everything (except Jesse James) that I wanted her to sing.  I get hot just thinking about it, it was so effing brilliant.

After Cher, it's no wonder I was diagnosed with the laryngitis, tonsilitis (and I don't even HAVE tonsils anymore), and a sinus infection.  I carried that show through the Strip, and made sure that everyone present that night, May 23rd, 2010, knew that I had just come from Cher.  Of course, I was sick before Cher, and was sicker the morning I woke up.  This is how it was expected to be though, really, with my luck.  The moment I turn 21, alcohol sizzles my throat and I can't think of anything I want less.  Yep, that would only happen to me.

So, after Vegas passed me by, and my throat was instantly better the second I landed in San Francisco, I packed up my stuff in Chico, grabbed my friend Zach, and we drove home to Redondo for a week.  Since him and I were both freshly 21, we got to explore the bars in my hometown together.  This exploration included finding out that shots cost an upwards of $7.50, and that bouncers are total dicks.  We had fun, although now I have $50 to my name.  I forget sometimes how amazing my home is, and it takes a fresh pair of eyes sitting next to you saying, "I'm pretty sure you live in Paradise," to get the memo.

Once Zach left, I had a day to pack my stuff back up again, and fly to NY with my best friend Jackie, who just spent the past year going to school at Ithaca.  She decided she missed California too much, but her car was still over in Ithaca.  So us poor, mislead California girls just spent the last 4 days driving her sexy 4Runner across middle America.  What an eye-opener that drive was.  One night it was raining so hard we couldn't see the road lines, so we got off the Ohio turnpike asap and asked a tollbooth worker where the nearest motel was.  She gave us directions, which were, seriously, so far from civilization I don't think I could ever find them even in the daylight.  The janky old motel started out as a beacon of hope; all we wished for was a hot shower and a place to rest our heads away from the rain.  It turned into the scene of every horror movie, right before the main characters get chopped into little tiny pieces.  First, there were dead bugs lining the bathroom floor.  Then, the room for some reason had 3 beds, 5 chairs, and a closet that you had to walk up 3 steps to get to.  The shower, cranked up all the way, dripped about enough water to fill a thimble if you waited 5 minutes.  And it wasn't even warm water.  We started to feel like we were the stars of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and didn't want to stick around to see if we were going to make it through the night.  We threw the keys on the front desk and booked it so effing fast out of there.  That's just one of the many adventures we encountered across the USA, and when I got out of the car after 4 days on the road in my own driveway I kissed it all the way to my front door.

So, I quite literally have been searching for home for the past couple weeks, and now I have a chance to finally just deflate.  I can't tell you what it's like to sleep in a billion different beds but you're own (wow, that sounds wrong), and to return home and lay your head down on your own scent and sleep peacefully. I'm back in one universe, and don't plan on galaxy hopping for at least 2 months.

As many may notice, this page looks a little different.  I hope you enjoy the update.
To all those Bleaders out there, I hope you all are living peacefully and happily in your own universe.
Namaste, y'all.


  1. Welcome back lady! I was just thinking the other day that it's been a long time since you wrote (and I read!). It sounds like you've had quite a busy, but amazing time lately.
    Congrats on your finals being over!
    Hope to read more soon!:)

  2. love the update! you are a great writer cassie. thanks for transporting me to chico, vegas, middle-american wasteland, and the lovely redondo that i miss so much. xoxo


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