28 March 2011

Awake My Soul.

It's been a wet spring.
I love the rain, listening to it beat down on my roof, thinking about it watering the plants and turning everything a young fertile green.  It's tough, though, getting motivated to do anything in it.  Everyday functions are almost too much, let alone new functions.
I went to Vegas for spring break last week and learned many things about the world and how it functions.  If you recall, I went there last May for my 21st birthday and got extremely sick (laryngitis+sinus infection+fever).  This time I was hoping for a second round for Vegas to redeem itself for me.  It did, and it didn't.
I realize now that being a girl and taking advantage of it can get you things like free entry to clubs, free drinks, and lots of attention.  This was fun when my friend and I first arrived.  We found a few club promoters to get us into all the nightclubs we wanted for free.  Most of these entries included wristbands with free drinks for the first few hours after entry.  This seemed like such a great deal, and for a while it was. The first club with free drinks we drank and drank till our hearts were full of alcohol and our minds were full of lust and we danced and danced with strange men in the darkness of the club.  The next morning I awakened feeling quite awful--the typical Vegas hangover.  The thing about Vegas is that it leaves no room for hangovers.  There is no fresh air because everyone is smoking all around you, the people around you are either drinking or still drinking from the night before, reminding you of your sin.  It was over our breakfast of Chipotle burritos that we started to really think about why clubs would offer promoters such "great" deals to girls for free.  And what we discovered made me feel dirty.
Clubs hire promoters to find girls to get them into the club and get them drunk before the men arrive.  The men have to pay to get into the club, and pay for drinks for girls once our wristbands expire.  They basically whore us out, get us drunk, and continue to use us via men for profit.  The next night I hardly felt like drinking, but I went along with it anyway.  It was the same scene--free entry, wristbands allowing us free drinks until midnight, men grinding on us to buy us drinks after midnight.  It's like realizing that Disneyland is full of a bunch of people who hate their job, but still going and trying to have a fun time.  Sure, I had fun.  But realizing that Vegas only sees me one way (as a means of being whored out), made me feel dirty and futile.  I was ready to leave when our 5 days were up, and I don't think I'll be back to Vegas for a while.
Getting back to Chico and trying to purify my body has been tough, though.  Like I said, it's so hard to get motivated, to want to do anything healthy in the rain when all I feel like doing is snuggling deeper into my covers.  I have 2 months before summer--where I walk at college Graduation and go to a friend's wedding, and I want to get into a body that I'm not ashamed of.  I feel so sluggish these days, carrying around the 13 pounds I've gained since getting on the kayak and falling off of it.  What I need is motivation, an awakening inside my soul to get me up and out there and into shape.
Any thoughts on a soul awakening?


  1. Find the girl holding the sign that read "I will become certified in Yoga on an ashram in India by December 2011". I think that she may be able to help you. She was on the right path to soul awakening.....


  2. As always i love to read your posts.
    :) Im sure you'll find the motivation soon.


Tell me all your thoughts on cats.