Back to the Mat, Back to Life.

Maybe saying "back to life" implies that I've ever truly been alive, so "alive for the first time" may be more accurate.

I shall begin today's post by sharing with you what happened in yoga class this morning. I rolled out my yoga mat today for the first time in over a year. For those unaware, yoga used to be my life. I ujjayi breathed my way through my days, downdogging and surya namaskaraing at every opportunity. Then I moved away to college, gained 20 pounds, drank more beer than water, and got my heart broken by a real dick.

Today Jorge, the yoga instructor, opened up our class with a message. "In time things happen," he said. "Do not push your body beyond what it needs, just like you can't push your life into something it's not ready for." I've been thinking a lot lately about how crazy life happens to you. I spent so long waiting for something truly good to come along, almost losing faith that I'd ever find someone. And out of nowhere, I just did.

I met this incredible guy this semester. I remember the moment I looked across the class and saw him there. He had big blue eyes and an amazing beard. Another crazy story: I wrote a story for my graduate fiction class about that asshole that broke my heart (and about my mother and my missing cat). It was the best story I've written to date; somehow I managed to turn the ugliest parts of my life into something deep and beautiful. This guy, we'll call him Casper, wrote me this two-page, in-depth review of my story (the standard review is half a page), going through each detail and telling me how much he could relate to my situation. He left his email on his review, and I emailed him thanks for the heartwarming words. We began talking, getting to know each other. We started texting, then sharing deep thoughts and philosophies, then dating. Now that guy across the class is my boyfriend. I've never felt this way before, never known that there was a way to like someone so much and not have to play games or check myself every second. I am in love for the first time in my entire life.

And so I came back to my yoga mat today, and I set my intention on feeling. I wanted to feel my yoga practice, just like I feel in love for the first time. I want to live based on feelings, feeling good. Yoga felt so good, my muscles were so tight, yet they remembered how they used to feel. I can hardly lift my arms, but it's a good feeling, knowing I pushed my body to its fullest potential.

And so, in spite of it being cliche and overdone, I wish everyone peace on earth, the type of peace I have found in deep recesses of my heart. Maybe you're hurting right now, maybe you're happy right now. Maybe you're struggling, you're sad, you're wishing you were somewhere else. Maybe you're happy beyond belief, maybe you're indifferent. I've known all these emotions, and I am living and breathing proof that things turn around. There is, within you, a peace that  lasts. But don't push it.