26 December 2011

A Quiet Holiday.

This Christmas was so different from the past, but I've been noticing lately that the older I get the more these holidays and events seem to pass in the same fashion.

My life has been getting quieter the older I get. There is less and less hype around certain events, and these events are starting to become something different for me. Let me explain. Christmas this year came and went so fast. I asked for nothing, I had no money to give people anything, and there were no surprises. Of course, I wished so desperately that my boyfriend could have spent the holiday with me and my family, but other than that, there were no preoccupations. My parents gave me some really small, sweet, thoughtful gifts (my mother bought this really cool framed print of a cat looking through a mouse hole and my dad bought me some Writer's Market books) and promised me I could spend their money on some new interview clothes (in hopes that I get the opportunity to go to a job interview in this economy). We had a really intimate group of people over--my uncle and his partner and our neighbors from down the street. I grew up with the neighborhood boy down the street, and he has spent every Christmas with us since I was born. This year he ended up going to his girlfriends for Christmas, which wasn't a big deal, but his absence at the table was felt. His mom and I got to have some really great and clarifying conversations, though, and we talked for a long time about teaching. She's been a 7th grade English teacher for many years, and I've secretly always known I was going to end up teaching. It was truly delightful getting to talk with her.

Since I finished college 2 weeks ago, I've been having big-time student withdrawals. The fact that I won't be returning to school in Chico at the end of January is really starting to eat at me. Everyone says it's because I miss my boyfriend and the fact that he's going to be a student in Chico for a while longer, and maybe that's part of it, but I really, truly, whole-heartedly loved being a student and will miss it. I had such an incredible last semester at Chico--the best professors, the best classes, and straight A's. When I came to Chico, I knew no one--NO ONE--in an of my classes. I was the weird girl in the back of the classroom. During my last week or two of classes, I realized sitting in class one day that I learned nearly everyone's names, and they learned mine, and it was so nice seeing people in the hallway that would wave and stop for a quick conversation with me. I know this sounds so silly, that something so simple as people knowing your name would make you miss a place, but I really do. I'd like to go back to school as soon as possible.

Anyway, back to Christmas. It was different this year. I'm sure it won't always be this quiet, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. My life is becoming a low humming, a sweet little song. It's growing into something comfortable, something natural. I love where my life is going right now.

Namaste, Bleaders. May you find some quiet in your life if that is what you seek.

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