21 August 2013

The Top 5 List

I'd like to start a weekly Top 5 List. Why? Because I love lists, and I love things...and I want the world to know about these things I love.

I will kick off this week with The Top 5 Things I Need When I'm Sick.

1. A variety of cough drop flavors (and some real drugs).
The Real Deal: Prescription drugs to the rescue, dude.
I've been fat and hungry all my life, so any excuse to eat cough drops like candy is always a favorite pastime for me. But this week I was so sick, I was popping those suckers one after another just to keep breathing. Being in an office with incredibly thin walls, I didn't have to tell people that I was sick - they heard me long before I came hacking into their office for something. I had to keep as quiet as possible, and three flavors of cough drops (lemon-mint, honey-lemon, and menthol-cherry) were my saving grace - at least for a day or two. I did the whole I'm sick and coughing but I will survive thing for 4 days last week before waking up on Saturday morning hacking green goo out of my chest and realizing that I wasn't going to beat this thing on my own.
Once I got some real drugs--an inhaler, a Z-pack, and a big ol' bottle of codeine--I thought I would be racing towards the sickness finish line and into the wellness circle. By Sunday I realized that feeling better was not in the cards for me, drugs and all. But, I gotta say, there is nothing quite like codeine. I do not condone the recreational use of narcotics, but when you're sick and can't sleep because your lungs are out of control, codeine is like a Christmas cocktail of Baby Jesus blood and Santa's sweat. That shit made me feel like I not only was going to live, but that life was worth living (yes, I had a very deep moment with the codeine).
This morning, Day 10 of my cold, I woke up feeling AWESOME. I had this incredible pep talk with myself in the mirror (See also: Jessica's Daily Affirmation). I curled my hair in a new way I had never tried before (with my Chi instead of a curling iron...a post for later), I used new colors in my eyeshadow pallet, I ate two handfuls of blueberries. I was at 95%, and spread my cheerfulness across the land (okay, through the Pump Solutions Group building). But by noon I felt myself deflating. My cough came back twofold, I started sneezing. People started avoiding me again because of my creepy cough. I guess what I'm trying to say in so many details is that I'm still sick. And I'm damn tired of it. And I need a yoga class.

2. A DVR full of House Hunters International.
If you've never watched this show, well, you probably have a social life. But, for real, if you've never watched this you, you really need to reconsider your life choices. NO, for real, if you've never watched this show, you need to set your DVR to record it...at least the Mexico episodes. Why? Because Saturday and Sunday TV programming SUCKS. And I was in that mood where, even if I liked the show that was on, I was flipping anxiously through the channels for something better, or sleeping. Lucky for me, I was home at my parents and they are obsessed with House Hunters International and forget how to delete the episodes they've watched (or forget that they've watched them in general). So Saturday and Sunday I watched about nine hours total of House Hunters International...damn it, man.

Melting and feverish in my apartment
without an ocean breeze.
3. My mom.
I will not ever admit this again, but my mom, at one point this weekend, actually fed me strawberries that she cut up into bite-size pieces and put on toothpicks for me. Yeah, I have that kinda mom. She also forced me to drink three gulps of Gatorade every 10 minutes every hour for 48 hours...that was less than pleasant but I also didn't get dehydrated. Basically, I have the best mom in the world.

4. Ocean breeze.
I don't think it's possible to put in words how much I hate where I live during the week. It's hot and miserable and not the ocean and I'm lonely and isolated away from my family and everyone I love. The ocean breeze...even the notion of just putting on a sweatshirt, is something that is unheard of in this disgusting town I live in four nights out of the week. But, luckily, there is a beautiful ocean I return to every weekend. This weekend, my feverish, sick self especially enjoyed getting to curl up under blankets, instead of sweating through them like I do during the week.

5. Chocolate pudding.
A feverish Cassandra Lotus went to the grocery store while waiting for her three prescriptions at the pharmacy. She came back with three types of jumbo-size cup-noodles and chocolate pudding cups. The cup-noodles ended up being shrimp flavored (yes, shrimp...who the hell eats shrimp-flavored instant noodles?) but the chocolate pudding cups were a revelation. When I was in middle school, I gave my best friend, Michelle Cernansky, a very detailed list of what to serve at my funeral should I die before reaching 13. My fat, 12-year-old self requested, among other things, fish & chips and unlimited amounts of chocolate pudding cups (sounds like a pretty awesome funeral, huh?). I haven't actually purchased pudding cups, for some baffling reason, since like freshman year of college. Well, all of that changed this weekend. Those 70-calorie pudding cups were just about as glorious as the codeine.

This sickness is no joke. I continue to hack Day 10.
May you be well, eat lots of chocolate pudding, and take your codeine as needed.

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